Loss and Hope

I had learned about my aunt passing on Tuesday night, but it wasn't until Wednesday morning that the shock wore off. That's when I started crying. I couldn't seem to stop, so I called in sick to work and stayed home.

I wasn't quite as bad on Thursday, but was still feeling awful, so I called in sick again. Later that morning, I had sorta pulled myself togther a little, and decided I could use a bit of company.

I signed onto Second Life and looked through the group announcements that had been collecting over the past few days. I saw something about an event at AYA, and decided it was just what I needed.

One of the nice things about SL is how you can instantly look great with a few mouseclicks, even if you feel and look dreadful in real life. I rooted through my inventory until I found something that would fit the event theme, put my hair up in ribbons, then teleported over.

The warm greetings, both in public chat and private messages had me crying again, but this time it was happy tears. Even though I knew nothing would completely take away the sense of loss, I felt, for the first time in the past few days, a sense of hope for the future.

Long Live the Queen!

How can you love someone you've barely met? I haven't found an answer to that question yet, but I do know I love her Majesty, Queen Talin. How do I know that?

My heart aches every time I think of her leaving.

I knew pretty early on our queen was having health issues. Still, it came as a shock when she announced she'd be leaving SL at the end of the year for health reasons.

I went from giggling and dancing in the ballroom to being slouched in a chair an crying. It wasn't the noisy, bawling kind of crying. There were just tears sliding down my face while my limbs tingled with numbness.

At first, all I could think of was finding a way to convince her to stay. Then I remembered something I've heard a number of times since I joined AYA: real life comes first.

As I was thinking about that, I heard people saying, "Long live AYA!" and, "Long live The Queen!"

It was then I realized how selfish it was to want Queen Talin to remain our queen. She has already given us so much. When she needs to look after her health, that need should be respected.

I also realized, although it would be different with someone else in charge, AYA is strong enough to survive the change. We're more than a bunch of people. We're a family who cares and respects each other.

So, with those thoughts in mind, please join me in saying:

LONG LIVE AYA!

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

Room at the Table

Imagine walking into a restaurant and noticing a group of co-workers sitting together in a booth. Just as you're about to request a table for yourself, one of your co-workers waves you over. Even though you don't really know anyone there, they seem friendly enough, so you decide to take up the invitation.

As you approach, someone whispers, "Budge over."

The whole group shifts over a bit, leaving a spot for you to sit. A couple people don't look exactly cofortable, but they still invite you to join them. Soon you find yourself connecting with them, and feelings of friendship begin to develope.

That's how I feel about AYA.

I used to identify as a sissy. Then I came to Second Life and discovered that, even though we had similarities, there were some differences that sometimes clashed with how others think about sissies.

One thing that may be at the root of some of that difference is my gender identity. While I do tend to be feminine, I don't identify as female. I identify as male.

This is why I use male pronouns. I'm not sure why, but it seems as if this is seen as unsissylike. Maybe it's seen as expessing male dominance? If that's true, then I hope people will believe me when I say I've never seen males as inherently dominant.

Until a few years ago, I felt the exact opposite was true. It wasn't so much that I didn't see them acting dominant, as it felt strange to see it. It almost felt like I'd slipped into an alternate universe at times.

Despite this and a couple of other differences, I've found acceptance, and even the beginning of friendships at AYA. So, to all you wonderful people, I'd like to offer my heartfelt thanks.

Thank you for making room for me at the table.

First Steps

My first days as a trainee maid at AYA remind me a bit of the first time I tried wearing heels. Even though I was pretty nervous at first, it was something I really wanted to do, so I just sorta took a big breath, gathered up my courage, and did it.

My first steps were pretty shaky, but there were some wonderful people who offered encouraging support and helpful advice. I stumbled a few times, feeling totally embarrassed at my awkwardness. Fortunately, there were people there to lend me a hand and help me get back on my feet.

Even though I know I still have a long way to go, the confidence I've started developing has helped me to hold my head high. I can swing my hips and smile at the world as I say, "I'm a maid of AYA, one of the most awesome sims in Second Life!"